Welcome to Heber City

It's been a few years since I've lived in Heber City, but the town still has a place in my heart.

It's a fact. Heber has grown. Despite the number of second homes and resort sites springing up to attract vacationers, many new developments have brought people who actually plan on staying in the valley for longer than a round of golf. To these newcomers, propriety dictates a hearty Heber how-ye-do.

But let’s not kid ourselves in pretending that a quick handshake is welcome enough to the new folks. Why settle for mediocrity? Read on to discover seven creative ways to welcome the new guy to Heber City, Utah.

1) Bring over a calculator and coolly report their portion of the bond amount for the new high school. $60 million divided by…

2) Casually mention that the high school’s wrestling program is perennial state champions. Drop names (Cael Sanderson…) if you need be. Put ‘em in a headlock and demonstrate the “Dear Creek In the Neck” hold.

3) Invite them to volunteer for Swiss Days. Be positive. Tell him that his daughter is a shoo-in for the Swiss Miss pageant. If that doesn’t work, explain that non-participation is an (Edel) vice that will not be tolerated. Leave with a refreshing joke, like “see you later, hosen." Har!

4) Misdirect him in his search for tickets to the demolition derby. Let’s be honest, some things just can’t be shared.


6) Be prepared to explain that, regardless of whether the view of Mt. Timpanogas is the back or the front, it is the superior.

7) Did I skip #5?