Friday, January 4, 2008

No Disputin'--It's Putin

Thanks to an old roommate, our apartment gets TIME magazine. This week, TIME released it's "Person of the Year" award. The winner? Russian president Vladimir"ly a flesh wound" Putin.

I was reading his interview with the TIME editor-and-chief (and they make sure we know it) John Huey, and one of Putin's answers caught my eye. Here's the question:

Has your KGB training helped you as President? There's an old saying, "Once a spy, always a spy."
And the answer,
"Well, those are lies. Naturally, some of the background can be of heklp. they taught me to think independently. They taught me to gather objective information, first and foremost. The second thing, from working in intelligence, is learning the skill of working with people.

Whoa, whoa, woah. Putin...a people person? I don't see it. At all.
A few reasons why:
1) He hasn't smiled since 1961, when his babushka told him that he had to strike a grin if he wanted her to make his cousins leave him solo with his game of Risk--so he could work out conquering the world. Alone.
2) The KGB doesn't teach people skills. The KGB teaches that people kill.
3) Putin read the book "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People." He tore out all of the chapters except one. Sharpen the Saw.
4) Back in his KGB days, Putin walked into the room and all talking stopped. "Way to kill the conversation," someone said. And she meant it. Literally.
5) Isn't charisma a Russian word meaning, "Our president bought his personality off of eBay for 50 rubles and a glass of vodka."
6)Wasn't the eBay seller a power-hungry gerbil?

Ok, enough about Putin. Let's talk about the second place runner up, Al Gore. Now wait a second, before I even mention Al Gore, I've gotta ask--Who is picking these people of the year? Do they find any famous person with no personality, plaster the names on a dart board, and then moller someone up with Vodka and turn them loose? What is their selection meetings like?

Time Writer 1: know...I think it should probably come down to Putin and Gore for the top two.
Time Writer 2: Oh, I agree. These gentlemen are my heroes. When I was studying feminist comparative literature at Brown, I did my thesis on "The Influences of Post-Communist Gerbils and KGB Politicos on Global Climate Change and I Love Love Love Hillary Clinton."
Time Writer 1: Get out of the city! Me too!


Nellie said...

Dave, I had a good jolly laugh reading this ealy this morning. This article should go somewhere even if it ends up in the wave next to Michael's sports articles....You are very, funny......

Jamie said...

yes, you, are, very, funny